Your Nightly Mash 8.5.26

Three Thoughts from the Sunset beyond the Brooke.

For years I never dreamt, or at least, I never remembered if I had. Then, at a conference I attended in May, I was speaking with my Director when they mentioned having trouble sleeping. Well, I too have experienced such troubles. I recommended my naive drug-induced solution of melatonin. To which they replied,  

    "Oh I can't do that, I would never wake up! Plus, they give me really intense             dreams."

And now, I dream from time to time, yet always when I've had melatonin. 

There are two fascinating aspects of this for(5, get it?) me. 

    1. Now that I have a reason for dreaming, my brain offers up this as a solution. Whether the melatonin is really causing me to dream and remember or not is irrelevant. What matters is that my brain believes it to be the case. I shall try again tonight to replicate. And,

    2. As I am unaccustomed to the immaterial onslaught that accompanies the night, I readily believe the circumstances as fact. Such that, when I wake up I am fully under the impression that the events of the other world happened. I am a ready believer in my thought-propaganda. 

I've always said, "Marketing works on me."


I think I've accidentally backed my way into the plot of Inception. Ah, Such is Life.

There really is nothing new under the sun.

Y'know, laziness has a terrible public relations manager. Our brains are optimized for low energy expenditure (i.e. Kahneman's & Tversky's System 1&2 thinking). 

It's odd, but true laziness is surprisingly proactive. I loathe doing something a second time that I could have done correctly the first. It feels like a personal punishment fit for my lazy self. 

Some examples of my professional lackadaisical practice:

    A. I take proper notes such that I will never have to read (or search within) the same passage twice. 

    B. I just diet (eat less) instead of perform cardio as it's less work.

    C. I drink tea/coffee without sweeteners as it's an added step to modify the flavour. 

All of the aforementioned are positive behaviors fueled by my countervailing passion of laziness. 

As I grow closer to the Truth, I find gratitude for my ways and means at every turn. This must be what is dubbed a Blessing.

Despite my myriad meandering and prolific (subjective though mine) wastage of time, I never truly understood relaxation. The ever-aware feeling of being behind when sober. The ever-knocking sensation of desiring manual intervention to force the stoppage of rumination. I've begun to think that religion may not only allow relaxation, but become the precursor to Peace. 

The Word allows several instances of offloading our thoughts to bring about relaxation then peace. 

Romans 12:19 "Vengeance is mine... saith the Lord." 

For in the eyes of my God, I am no different from those that I perceive to have wronged me. I do not need an internal T-chart. I do not need to tabulate the scores of all my relationships. The liberation in not needing to act myself lends to Peace. 

Number 32:23 "Be sure your sin will find you out."

There is no longer a quarrel within me regarding the phrase "you are your true self when no one is watching." There is always someone watching. My true self will never be the dastardly wretch within me as I will never be alone henceforth. It sounds oppressive, but constants are so rare within life that I find it the consistency comforting.

Luke 14:11

"For whoesoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."

I've always enjoyed playing from the sleeper position. Always under-promise and over-deliver. This hinges on my belief that perception is more important than reality (though a topic for another time). It feels exhilarating to know that my miniscule observations were the Truth showing itself in me. 

Romans 7:18

"For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing; for I have the desire, but I am not able to perform that which is good."

A few years ago, an ex-partner said "you have a real talent in seeing the worst in people." It's true. There is nothing good in me. And that's exactly how I was made. All that is good in me is of God. I can relax knowing that the turmoil within me over my seeming inability to exercise altruistic empathy was never of my realm anyhow. I feel good.


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